Thoughts on Something

THIS IS GOING TO BE MESSY. PLEASE BEAR WITH ME.

Imagine a world wherein people would share their problems to each other without worrying that no one's going to help them. A world wherein people would not be ashamed to talk to others about those problems. Well, it certainly isn't the world nowadays. Actually it is the opposite as some people are the ones bringing down others just to raise themselves up. Will it ever change though?

Think about the people in your life. Maybe the person who's usually ignored in class because of a quirk he has is going through a difficult life problem. Maybe the girl who asked you if you were okay is the one more in need of support. Think of it this way: maybe the challenge someone else is facing is more difficult than yours, so don't judge him right away.

A lot of times, I feel that I'm not good enough. I feel it when I don't get the biggest prize in a competition. I feel it when a lot of people are telling me to bring the bacon home. I feel it when I sit down and ponder by myself. Maybe it's the expectations - not only of others but also my own-  that crush me. Sometimes, I just lie down on my bed, hoping that I fall asleep before I start to fall apart.

After a few days though, I start to realize that maybe that's just the way it is, that maybe I'm not really supposed to be up there, or that someone else deserves it more than I do. And, yes, I'll move on, but it'll start again. It's placed inside a forever loop with no breaks in between.

That's one of the reasons I don't like people telling me that I'm good because it just raises up the bar for expectation. And sometimes I just need someone to punch me in the face to wake me up so that I could face reality face to face.

Please don't expect anything from me. Because when you do, I expect something higher from myself and if I don't reach those expectations, it breaks my heart. Please please don't. I don't want to disappoint anyone so it's better if you don't expect anything. Thank you.


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